Life is stressful for the Teen Mom cast. They need calming influences.
Barney is not getting it done, let's just put that out there right now.
Granted, Farrah Abraham was going through some serious stuff and might have found the purple dinosaur particularly annoying at that moment, but the girl was clearly looking for more from her mother as well.
Let's break down that and the rest of last night's episode, THG style!
As Farrah was en route to court to confront Sophia's paternal grandmother, her mom tried to relay a cute story about Barney. It didn't go well. Minus 5.
"You and your damn Barney talk, Mom," Farrah says, frazzled. "Why do I want to talk about a Barney? That doesn't calm me down." Indeed. Plus 3.
The case was dismissed! Plus 10 for Farrah, but Minus 6 for MTV, which now has to cook up another quasi-fake narrative for young Ms. Abraham.
Does Farrah miss Derek as much as the show makes it appear? They weren't even in a relationship when he passed away. No points, just saying.
Amber left Gary! Plus 17! BUT, she's being investigated by police and CPS. Minus 8, and Minus 19 more since we know she'll be back with Gar.
The friend of Amber Portwood may be even more orange than she is. Minus 12. Girls, out there, forget about teen pregnancy. Don't fake tan.
At least Gary Shirley's t-shirt is a little less form-fitting this week. Plus 6.
Bentley looks upon the toilet upon which he will be trained. Wonder if he sees Maci's grades at the bottom. Oh, we went there all right. Plus 5.
She's failing algebra and communications. Minus 9, because algebra can be kind of hard, but communications? How do you fail your major?
Plus 6 for Maci Bookout and Kyle King together. He seems like he's a really solid influence on her, one that none of the other girls have.
Things are looking up for Teen Mom soulmates Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra as well. She's even doing her homework, people! Plus 3.
Her mom, April, even joins them in counseling. Plus 2.
Butch, on lessons learned from "30-plus years" of rehab: "You can't do it for nobody [else]- my kids, my truck, my grandmother." Amen. Plus 10.
EPISODE TOTAL: +3. SEASON TOTAL: +7.
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